We Rate Thanksgiving Advice — BCB #127

We read all those articles, so you don’t have to

Last year we said some things about gratitude. This year, many of us are going to need help. Should you have a full-on debate with your great aunt about immigration policy as your scoop stuffing and mashed potatoes onto your plate, or sidestep anything with the potential to slide into politics? Unfortunately, pretty much everyone wants to give you advice on this point. But fear not! Here’s what’s actually worth reading.

Navigating an awkward Thanksgiving after the election, The Power of Us

BCB Rating: 🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠

If you want practical tips for handling contentious discussions tonight in mature and productive ways, Dominic Packer and Jay Van Bavel are here to help. The two researchers put out a list of suggestions rooted in academic research and proven conflict resolution tactics.

Although it may be easier said than done, their advice that you “expose false polarization” around the dinner table is solid. We tend to overestimate how much we are divided by political issues, and, by extension, how different we are from people on the other side of the political aisle. It can be helpful to explain this to relatives who fall into an “us versus them” mindset.

The thematically appropriate advice to “express collective gratitude” is also a tried-and-tested idea. Gratitude can act as “social glue,” bringing individuals closer together.

Finally, we really appreciated the advice to “set social norms for debate”:

There is no need to stifle debate—which is critical to a healthy democracy—as long as you stick to some ground rules. We propose keeping it concrete, accurate, and impersonal.

How to survive Thanksgiving with your politically incorrect relatives - Martlet

BCB Rating: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The advice may be bad, but at least it’s short and funny. Is there any alternative to “a verbal Mortal Kombat match” at the dinner table? Yes, several.

Try singing the song “I’m Henry the VIII, I am” by Herman’s Hermits

If you sing the first verse and if that doesn’t stop the conversation, nothing will.

Turkey, Stuffing and a Side of Politics, The New York Times

BCB Rating: ❤️❤️❤️

This is one of dozens of comparable articles you may have seen if you read any Blue-leaning media. We enjoyed the narrative element of this one, which shows that it is possible to have relationships across political disagreement.

Uniquely, this piece asks us to consider if we’re the bad guy. Our family doesn’t need to enter environments that feel “hostile, inflammatory or emotionally unsafe”— so we should each reflect on whether we are likely to be the instigator who needs to sit out a round. (As we’ve said from the start, the goal is to talk about conflict without making it worse.)

But for those who want to wade into testy political waters, instead of expressing opinions on political topics, try discussing concerns. For example, instead of offering an opinion on how to fix inflation, it might be more useful to simply share that inflation is an issue you are concerned about. Doing so “leads you in the direction of dialogue, not debate.”

We should fight even more with our family at Thanksgiving, The Herald

BCB Rating: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

This is a full-throated endorsement of trying to persuade your loved ones that your politics are better than theirs. Although we don’t think this necessarily sets readers up for productive conflict, there is some merit here. For example,

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to offer insights your family wouldn’t normally hear in their echo chamber … This also might be good for you too. Your family’s political views might frustrate you, but how much do you really understand about why they hold these certain beliefs? How long has it been since you’ve gotten to brush up on your debate skills?

For some, family can be a good place to learn new perspectives in a safe, loving environment. But for those who want to try this tactic, we recommend entering with a little more open-mindedness than this writer proposes.

Here's why every American should be talking about politics and religion on Thanksgiving, Fox News

BCB Rating: 🤗🤗🤗

It has to be said that Blue currently has more feelings about politics than Red, so this piece is a rare holiday advice column from a Red-leaning outlet. The suggestions largely parallel the advice in the pieces above, but this author takes a bit more of a better conflict approach:

If there is any place where the deep divides of our body politic can be bridged, surely it is at a table of Thanksgiving with family and friends.
…
The key to the high-minded political conversation—one that young people in attendance will keenly observe, by the way—is that the goal is not to win. Unless your family is very weird, there is no straw poll after coffee.

3 questions to bring to your holiday dinner table, Good Conflict

This holiday season, let’s be honest, there’s plenty to fight about. And some of those fights…are fights we need to have.

But we probably don’t need to have all of the fights, all at once, while we’re eating…

Here are 3 questions to ask at the holiday dinner table to build goodwill and ensure that the next necessary conflict is not unnecessarily horrible.

For more from Good Conflict see, 15 Questions to Ask in Conflict.

Help us do science!

If any of this advice works for you — or especially if it doesn’t — please let us know in the comments!

Quote of the Week

avoid talking politics this year at thanksgiving by asking your parents if they’ve ever truly been happy together

-Emma Berquist